December 9, 2006
Congratulations and thank you again for choosing to receive Quantum
Coaching’s newsletter "Centering."
As this year comes to an end, we invite you to make time to create an
inventory report of the results you created in 2006 through your choices.
Take an 8x11 piece of paper and make four columns, titled: Results, Worked,
Didn't Work and Lesson Learned. Start by listing the results you created
pertaining to all areas of your life: family, work, finances, relationships,
health, spiritual, educational, fun & play, etc.
For example, lets say I received a raise this year. In my Results column,
I would write, Got Raise!!! In Worked column, Accountable for all agreements
and deadlines, used my creativity, asked questions and didn't make assumptions.
In the Didn't Work column, I would leave it blank. For Lesson Learned,
being focused in the present, getting clarity, knowing and recognizing
my barriers, as they showed up, helped me create effective results.
The key is to do this from a place of neutrality, without self-judgment,
blame, shame, guilt, shouldas and wouldas. Information and lessons learned
come from the choices we made, consciously or unconsciously. We are not
our results. We have the power and capabilities within us to change the
results that don't work by making different choices.
After you have completed the inventory list, the information serves
you to plan and strategize desired goals in 2007. You now know what worked
and what didn't work for you. You learned a lot of lessons, some successful
choices that you may definitely want to repeat, and other choices that
failed you may want to avoid. Keep in mind that failure is only feedback
as to what worked and what didn't work.
It all begins with asking questions.:
• What do I want in 2007?
• What choices will align with what I want?
Please know we are here as a resource for you. Our purpose is to be in
service to the development of human excellence.
We trust that 2007 will bring joy, love and peace to all.
Be well,
Melvy Murguia, CPC
President
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LOOK INSIDE FOR SUCCESS PATTERNS
After a long hiatus Agnes and I met again, at a reception for a mutual
friend. As she recapped her recent story, she lamented the fact that she
just left a position she once enjoyed because her new boss was impossible
to get along with. I remembered that "cut and run" was an old
pattern Agnes struggled with and it had many overtones in her early life.
Agnes saw her problem coming from outside her self-responsibility. She
was convinced that if others would simply live up to her standards, life
would move smoothly. To Agnes, it is simply a world of what she likes and
what she doesn't like. She does well as long a people behave in ways she
accepts as okay. Agnes doesn't yet recognize that anytime we expect more
from someone than they are willing or able to give, we are doomed to be
disappointed.
There is an old saying I heard from Mom many years ago: "You can't
accuse or judge someone about something unless you have some of that hidden
inside yourself". Over the years, I have found this to be true. It's
a constant struggle to stay conscious of the "triggers" that
explode inside when faced with the discovery that "I have imperfections
I continue to hide from others as well as myself. I'm embarrassed, confused
and angry that I'm not as "good" as I want people to think I
am. Thus, I have to be judging of others, disgusted at their behavior and
pretend I'm incapable of doing the same thing."
At some level of consciousness, most of us are aware of our shortcomings.
How many of us are aware of our successful behaviors and thoughts as well?
We all have habit patterns of survival that are non-working. We've used
them so much they have become our addictions. We also have other patterns
that spell success, that work for us time after time. It's up to us to
identify both, to make choices about how we use them, whether or not we
want to keep them and how to change those that don't work. Life is a process
and so is our ability to deal with it. I've found a few "tips" that
help me in bringing non-productive patterns to the surface. Perhaps some
of them will be useful for you as well. Searching inside for answers helps
us re-discover our uniqueness and bring success patterns to the surface
of our lives. With disuse, the non-working patterns we don't like will
gradually atrophy and be extinguished.
Tips:
• Make a list of five attributes (or qualities) you like
about you. How have they become success patterns in your life?
• Ask a few good friends or family members to give you a list of five qualities
they like about you. Add these to your own list and give yourself extra
smiles if others as well as you recognize some of those qualities.
• Spend a moment each morning promising yourself that you will use at least
one success quality that day in order to strengthen it and to attract others
of like qualities to yourself.
• When these are firmly planted and used within yourself,
expand your horizons and choose another quality you would like to call
your own. Each time that new one becomes a habit, a non-working pattern
gradually fades away and you can add another successful on in it's place.
For further exploration you may want to discover:
• What is my life purpose? Does it meet my standards?
• What would I do today if I were brave?
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What Shows Up In Your Mirror?
We use all of our experiences for our learning and growth- including relationships. One of the most important lessons we learn from a relationship is what the relationship teaches us about our self. When we have learned to love and accept ourselves, we are able to accept and allow others to return that love and acceptance.
A basic component of being human is to desire relationships. Many look outside
of self first to find that someone or something to give and/or bring happiness.
True relationship takes place within the self first, before becoming a connection
with another.
When we look outside ourselves, we tend to judge others based on those
areas within that tell us what is acceptable or unacceptable. Judgment presents
valuable information about our self, and could serve as a gage regarding our
self-love and self-acceptance.
The concept of a mirror comes to mind. Our personal relationships can be
accurate mirrors of the non-working as well as the working attitudes and behaviors
of our self as reflected by the non-working and working attitudes of others.
Whatever we find true about people and things around us is also true about
ourselves. When we judge anything or anyone outside ourselves, what we are
doing looking in a mirror that is reflecting back to us information about
ourselves.
For example, if you experience someone in reaction and say, I hate it when
people react in anger. Is it possible that you don't like it when you react
in anger? If you experience someone in fear of taking a risk and say, I wish
he/she stop being fearful and just do it! Is it possible that fear is also
one of your barriers?
If your mirror shows a person that takes drugs, you could say, "Well, I
don't take drugs, how does that apply to me?" What is it about that persons
drug use that you don't like? "It is an unhealthy, irresponsible, and non-working
habit." How does that relate to you? Ask yourself, "Am I doing unhealthy
things to my body?" In what area of my life am I being irresponsible?
What habit is not working for me that I can choose to change?"
Being conscious of our internal judgment assists us to understand and know
our self. It provides us with material to use in practicing acceptance. Research
shows our harshest judgments of others to be the ones we have difficulty accepting
about our self. What we see in the mirror is a reflection of what is inside
us. The only one we have access to change is our self.
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Ask the COACHES!
It all begins with asking questions…
Q: What suggestions and/or practices do you have on how to love and accept myself?
A: Sometimes, it's a good idea to go after an answer through the back door. What don't you like about yourself at this moment in time? Take a piece of paper, divide it in half length-wise and put the words "pros" on one half and "cons" on the other. Consider this an important technique and one you are determined to answer in a most truthful way. Spend time looking at all aspects of who you are (always recognizing we often don't feel like the person we see in the mirror). When you've completed the internal dialogue, put the non-working patterns on the con half of the paper and the working patterns on the pro half.
When finished prioritize both sides of the paper. Determine to tackle one item from each side of the paper every day. How do you enhance a "working" pattern? By consciously using it again and again - with more people in more situations. How do you extinguish a "non-working" pattern? By becoming conscious of when and how you use it, marking it with a sensory reminder (a feeling in your gut, a tightening of your throat, clenching of your teeth, anger in your heart etc.) and determining to shift gears when that happens. It's very much like changing an unwelcome word in your vocabulary. Identify, claim, feel it and consciously decide to change it.
Q: As I am practicing loving and accepting myself, what could I do to attract relationships that are healthy?
A: Science and biology tells us we are magnetic creatures. We attract others of like qualities. Remember the old saying: "Birds of a feather flock together"? The more you live what you love, the more you will attract what you love. If you love you (in a thoughtful and self-enhancing way), you cannot help by exude love and draw others to you who will sense, admire and want to be around those loving qualities you carry.
When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.
- Confucius
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
Theres nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
Its not just in some of us; its in everyone.
And as we let own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates
others.
- Nelson Mandella
Inaugural Speech, 1994, Written by Marianne Williamson
